Sexual Healing - Not Just for Marvin Gaye

If you occasionally tune into those sex shows on HBO, you may be shocked at what some people out there are buying and doing in the name of livening up their sex lives. Yes, having sex with the same person year after year can surely get predictable. Even so: do you really need battery-powered toys and instruction manuals to feel moved by the Ultimate Intimate Act? I'd venture a guess to say NO. And bets are on that Marvin Gaye wrote his famous song, "Sexual Healing," with the same thought in mind!

Think back to the early days with your partner. Chances are, the sex was pretty darned good. What was it that made them so irresistible? Might it have been your ability to focus totally on each other? The appreciation you had for that real love you'd been wishing for so long?

And now... well, of course you love them. But the more time we spend with someone, the more we tend to take them for granted. Maybe your lives are so busy that you feel like you have to "fit sex into your schedule." So: what mental state are you in when the two of you finally get around to doing it? Distracted? Harried? Obligatory? None of these are very conducive to real closeness.

Many people are running out and buying fancy equipment in the name of making their love lives more fun. But what about the equipment that God gave you: your eyes, ears, mouth, nose, skin... and the most crucial thing of all, your mind? When was the last time you were fully engaged in sex with all five of your senses and totally connecting with your partner? Here are some things you can do to turn those intimate moments into the healing and fulfilling experience that sex was meant to be.

1. Relax and clear your mind. It's pretty tough to focus on how someone makes you feel when the voices in your head are chattering away! Put those worries on a high shelf in the back of the closet... you have the rest of your life to deal with pressing issues. Tonight is for living in the moment and loving your partner.

2. Remember the good things. When was the last time you dwelled on that sweet smile that's bestowed upon you when you walk in the door each evening? Have you two shared a laugh recently? What about the last sacrifice your husband, wife or lover made simply because they loved you? Even if it was something small like running out for a quart of milk so you could have cereal... never take the little things for granted.

3. Free yourself of negative thoughts. If there are "issues" that keep popping up about your partner, do one of two things: have an open-minded talk to clear the air, or choose to forget the issues because they're probably too petty to be of consequence anyway.

4. Clean up. Get rid of that unsightly pile of laundry on the bedroom floor. Change the sheets to clean fresh ones. Take a hot shower, shave your legs or face. Brush and floss if you're concerned about halitosis. Clutter is distracting. Sex should be a holy act, and holiness is pure and clean... so get rid of the filth and mess!

5. Quiet down and slow down. Music is a nice way to set the mood... but sometimes the best music is quiet breathing and the rhythm of your own two hearts. Lie together, but don't rush anything. Good sex is leisurely and pleasurable, not a race to the finish line.

6. Open your eyes. Whoever said that eyes should be closed during intimacy is missing half the fun. Get nose-to-nose, belly-to-belly with your partner, lie still, and open your eyes. Breathe up from your stomach and through your nose, all the while beholding the sight of them. Look into those honest and loving eyes, let your gaze fall to their shapely lips and the contours of their neck... notice every curve of their body, and every rise and fall of the easy breaths they take...

7. Revel in the sensations. God gave you a sense of touch so you could experience the joy of intimacy. Drink in every inch of your lover. Relax, breathe... let your eyes, lips and hands wander where they may. Rest your hand in the small of their back, encircle them with your loving arms. Cradle the back of their vulnerable head in your strong and protective embrace. Notice the warmth in your toes, the electric sensation in your pores, the passion bubbling up from your belly.

8. Breathe them in. Breathing sets the pace for a truly spiritual and moving sexual experience. Breathe in your partner's exhaled breath, breathe in the scent on their skin, and breathe as you focus on the way they touch you. You will find that once your breathing is deep and synchronized, sex becomes almost like a dance. You are more likely to experience simultaneous orgasms if slow and steady breathing is engaged together.

9. Get even closer. Lying on your sides, turn face to face and let the easy energy flow between you. This is an effortless and relaxing way to enjoy foreplay that allows head to toe contact with your partner. Another powerful position is for the man to sit crossed legged, and the woman to sit facing him with her legs encircling his waist. You may find this position too uncomfortable to actually engage in the sex act itself, but nevertheless make it part of the whole experience. Enfold your partner in your firm embrace, with one open palm pressed into the middle of their back and the other arm wrapped snugly about their waist. Press your foreheads together. Concentrate wholly on the moment, in being with them and breathing as one with them, in the feelings they evoke within you and in loving them.

By this time, I don't think I need to instruct you on how to make the rest of your evening enjoyable. If you really take the time to rejoice in the feelings you two have for each other, the rest should happen quite naturally. Good loving is most definitely a powerful and healing experience! You may find that as you lay in the blissful aftermath, that aching back and/or indigestion you felt earlier has magically disappeared. Your mind feels unburdened and peaceful, your skin warm and tingly, and all the trivial issues of the day have melted away.

Remember that not everyone is fortunate as you, to have someone to love and think about them and care for them each and every day. Some poor souls lie alone at night craving human closeness. But you have been blessed with a partner who has promised to love you and share your life for the rest of your days. That knowledge alone should be enough to want mind-blowing sex with them! Try it out together, and open your heart and mind to your partner the way you did when love was new. You'll be so very glad you did.

Sleep well, happy lovers!

Copyright 2005 Dina Giolitto. All rights reserved.

Dina Giolitto is a copywriting consultant and ghostwriter with 10 years of experience writing corporate print materials and web content. Trust her with your next e-book, article series or web project, and make a lasting impression on your audience of information-hungry prospects. Visit http://www.wordfeeder.com for more information.

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