| |
| |
|
Parenting Information |
|
|
|
How NOT to Motivate Your Children and Students
Chaim Ginott was a schoolteacher whose ideas and observations helped to bring about a near revolution in the way teachers interact with their young charges. He later practiced as a psychologist. The phone rang, he relates in one of his books, early on a Monday following Thanksgiving weekend. The woman on the line was clearly very agitated. "Try and figure this out, if you can!" she pleaded. "There we were in the car, the whole family. We drove four hundred miles, from Pittsburgh to New York. In the back of the car, little Ivan behaved like an angel, quiet and deep in thought.. "I said to myself, 'He deserves some praise.' "Just as we entered the Lincoln Tunnel, I turned to him and said: 'You're such a good boy, Ivan. I'm proud of you.' "A minute later, the sky fell on us.. "Ivan pulled out an ashtray and spilled its contents all over us. The ashes, the cigarette butts, and the smoke kept coming, like atomic fallout. We were in the tunnel in heavy traffic, and we were choking. If not for the cars around us, I might have murdered him! "And what burned me up was I had just praised him. Isn't praise good for kids anymore?" Ivan himself solved the mystery a few weeks later, in Ginott's office. All the way home he had been wondering how to get rid of his younger brother, who was snuggled up between mother and father in front of the car. Finally, the idea occurred to him that if their car were jackknifed in the middle, he and his parents would be safe, but the baby would be cut in two! Just then his mother had congratulated him for being so good. The praise made him feel guilty. He felt he had to show that he did not deserve it. he looked around and saw the ashtray. The rest followed automatically. Praise can be a highly powerful motivator. We know that. Workplace managers and supervisors know it, and adults who have enjoyed some success in the training of children certainly know it. Parents and educators have few weapons in their armory as potent as praise. Instrument of destruction?However, its correct use is a skill that needs to be learned, like any other. Any weapon that's not controlled is an instrument of destruction. I've cited an extreme case here to make the point. But hopefully, make the point it does. Chaim Ginott was a strong believer in what he called "congruent communication." "Congruent" means "consistent" or "harmonious." What he meant by the phrase is that our communication should be consistent with, or in harmony with, our ultimate objectives. Well, what's new? Sounds so simple, doesn't it? Unfortunately, for many of us it's not so simple. Not at all. I read about someone who recalled how she was having difficulties with math when she was in elementary school. Sensing her child's frustration, her mother took her aside and offered some well-intentioned encouragement: " No one in our family is good in math. I wasn't good at math, your sister isn't good in math. No wonder you're having a hard time. I'm sure you'll be good at something else." Consoling? Maybe. But if at the age of 30 or 40, the former struggling student still had the mathematical ability of an average 10 year old, would you be very surprised? Unhelpful or unproductive messages that young people receive from their elders take many different forms. Uncharacteristically moodyA friend recently told me that his eleven year old was uncharacteristically moody and subdued for a few weeks. It took him a while to figure that something must be bugging the lad at school. At first, the boy insisted that everything was OK, but eventually he blurted it all out. He explained sadly that his teacher kept upsetting him with comments like: "Another poor grade in the test this week. You could do much better, if you really wanted to." "You say you find it difficult to concentrate in class? If you really wanted to, I'm certain you could..." "Dad," moaned the hapless pupil. "I just don't understand this 'if you wanted to' business. Can it be possible? Does my teacher REALLY think I don't care? Surely he must know how much I'd like to be a better student, if only I could?" Fortunately, this story had a happy ending. The father had a friendly, heart to heart chat with the teacher, who understood where he might have been making a mistake. Before long, the teacher's feedback had changed to: "Your grade in this week's test was two percent better. Now that you're going up, perhaps you can manage another two percent hike next week?" "You've concentrated for a solid twenty minutes this morning. You see yourself you can do it. Now, just try to manage for another ten minutes!" Happy days! Azriel Winnett is creator of Hodu.com - Your Communication Skills Portal. This popular free website helps you improve your communication and relationship skills in your business or professional life, in the family unit and on the social scene. New articles added almost daily.
MORE RESOURCES:
Parenting - Google News |
|
|
|
RELATED ARTICLES
Develop Your Childs Genius - Right Brain/Left Brain Coordination No matter how old your children are, you have an immense power to affect their growth, development and success in life. By actively pursuing activities that contribute to the better development of their brain, you provide them with an advantage over all other kids, and increase their chances to be successful in life. Send the Kids Outside! Think back to your own childhood. Chances are, some of your fondest memories are of outdoor activities and places. Patterns For Plus Size Children Plus size children and overweight children need patterns and clothing that fit THEIR "larger than average" measurements. Sadly, neither ready made clothing nor commercial patterns address the real issue of children's measurements. 10 Ways You Can Advocate For Your Child With A Learning Disability Did you know that you are the most important person in your child's life? Of course you did. But did you know that parents of children with learning disabilities can also be their child's most effective advocate. Americas Public School System --- Brutal and Spartan The public school system in America has become a dismal failure. But education in many other times and cultures has been quite successful. War Declared On Instant Messenger: How to Stop Your Child from Wasting Their Life Away Online Hey Parents! I hate to tell you, but there is no such thing as "useful instant messaging". Your crafty child might try to take advantage of your lack of "Techie" know how when they say in that whiney voice. What About Competition? Are Your Kids Ready? Life is full of competition -- even in childhood. Kids compete for good grades, the attention of their parents and teachers, and even to get picked for 'the right team' in gym class. The Benefits of Music Education Despite serious reductions in funding for arts programs in public schools, there is a great need for studying music. Band, orchestra, and choir all offer students a chance to work together in a social and intellectual group setting and excel at complex tasks. Helping Your Child Make and Keep Friends What Children Look for in a Friend?Is this child fun to be with?Is this child trustworthy?Does this child help me achieve my goals?Does this child make me feel good about myself?Is this child similar to me?Social Tasks Involved in Peer RelationshipsJoining a group or activityCoping with successDealing with conflictDefending selfCoping with failureStaying involvedMaking a friendSharing/cooperatingSticking up for a friendCoping with rejectionResponding to requestsMaking requestsHelping othersMaintaining a conversationCoping with teasingBeing supportive of othersAlthough rejected children differ in many ways, there does seem to be something they have in common:A large proportion of rejected children are lacking in positive interaction skills, such as beingcooperative, helpful, refining non-verbal communication, timing, spatial awareness, verballanguage appropriateness and inappropriate dress or poor personal hygiene.This suggests that it should be possible to help these children by teaching them positive ways to interactwith others. Promoting Your Childs Motor Development Assuming there are no serious motor problems present, what can you, as an involved parent, do to help promote your child's motor development? To help ensure she becomes a competent, confident mover who enjoys and therefore takes part in physical activity? The answer is: Plenty!Practice is one of the most important factors involved in achieving higher levels of skill performance. But one of the most important factors involved in practice is that it not feel like practice!It's simple, really: All you have to do is play with your child. Identifying Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder in the Classroom: Eight Things Teachers Should Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD) is the phrase that is used to describe children who have significant problems with high levels of distractibility or inattention, impulsiveness, and often with excessive motor activity levels. There may be deficits in attention and impulse control without hyperactivity being present. How Children Learn Nurture and TeachThe single most important thing caregivers can do for a child is provide a nurturing environment. By doing this, we influence children's brain development and their ability to learn. How Do I Get My Child to Read? Well first off, please to don't institute the ½ hour of mandatory reading that so many schools and parents are so keen on these days. You want to encourage a life-long love of reading and frankly you would be much more likely to succeed by banning reading in your house then by turning reading into yet another chore that needs to be done. Assertiveness: Key to Better Parenting I have always been aware of my number one weakness: non-assertiveness. But I have come a long way from the time when I couldn't say 'no' to a child molester and not understanding the importance of telling my parents. Developing a Fantastic Relationship with Your Child Here's a scene: A parent "might suddenly grab a happliy playing child and shower him with excited hugs and kisses without warning." What's wrong with this picture?I would say that, simply, the parent is not in synch with the child in the case described above. Is a Mothers Love, Medicine? Minus all meningitis thoughts. The flu symptons were strong. Would You Know if Your Child Were Being Bullied? 4 Tips to Keep Them From Becoming a Victim The 21st Century Problem in Schools: Bullying, and How to Keep Your Kid From Being a VictimChildren bullying other children has been an issue since there were children, and though it has often been downplayed as "part of growing up," it has always had potentially serious implications from an emotional perspective.But these days, due to a host of factors such as our society's glorification of celebrity and being popular, violence in mass media, and easy access to deadly weapons, the implications can be especially risky. Guerilla Parenting Techniques: What Are They? When you hear the phrase, 'guerrilla parenting techniques', what images come to mind? I see a big, broad shouldered soldier, dressed in green fatigues, with brown paint on his face. His chest is crisscrossed with ammunition for the guns strapped on his legs. My Children I have been a single mom for almost 20 years. My kids were 3, 7, 12 and 14 when my ex left. Exposing the Damage: TV and Kids There are millions of young children in thiscountry who are being terribly mistreated by theirparents.These parents aren't physically abusing theiryoung children, and they may not even know thatthey're mistreating them.
|
| home | site map |
| © 2006 |
