| |
| |
|
Parenting Information |
|
|
|
Sibling Rivalry: The Magic Trick That Stops It Instantly
It's a familiar scene: Kids screaming at each other,complaining that, "He got a bigger piece of pie," or "Shegot to stay up an hour later last night." When sibling rivalry rears its ugly head, what do you do? Try to reason with the kids? Scream, threaten or punishthem? Ignore it and run for cover? None of these methods is very effective for very long. But I've discovered a tactic that works every time. Itreally is guaranteed to end sibling battles, almostinstantaneously. The only downside is it requires a bit ofpatience on your part. The trick is understanding that it doesn't matter what thekids are arguing about, the real battle is for yourattention. Really. They could be screaming at the top of their lungsover who gets to play with a certain toy. They could bered-faced and foaming at the mouth over who got to sit inthe favorite chair. It doesn't matter what they're arguingabout. What they're really saying is, "Mom, I want more ofyour attention. I want to know you love me." Understand this, and you're 80 percent of the way toresolving all sibling battles. So here's how to resolve the battles: Try to catch thembefore the argument escalates to the point where one or bothkids need to be reprimanded. If you can't do that, wait for the next time. There alwaysis a next time, isn't there? Next, make it clear that you aren't taking sides. Now try to discern which child is feeling the need forattention most. It will typically be the child who startedit, though that's not always easy to figure out. Turn to that child first and say, "Look, I can see you'reupset. I'm wondering if maybe you need some more attentionfrom me. Can I give you a hug?" (Or rub your back or throwthe football around or whatever you do when you give yourkids attention.) When that child is calm, repeat with the other child(ren). Your goal is to let your kids know that: 1) You understand they need your attention; and 2) You accept them; and 3) You aren't going to judge them for needing or wantingyour love. Depending on how old the kids are and how long the rivalryhas lasted, you may hear a little sarcasm. But I promiseyou, there's a soft vulnerability underneath those barbs. Ifyou can ignore the sarcasm and keep offering more attention,you'll be amazed how quickly the arguments disappear. Giving them attention doesn't mean you have to be at theirbeck and call for the rest of the day. It may mean you givethem hugs and kisses. It may mean sitting and talking withthem. Or it may just mean sitting quietly and playing agame of their choice for a few minutes. When They Both Want Your Attention at Once It helps if you warn them that you'll have to take turnsgiving each child individual attention. I handle this in areally straightforward way. I just say something like, "Listen, I can see you both wantmy attention now. And honestly, you both deserve it.(That's the best line I've come up with yet!) I really want to give both of you the attention you deserve,but I'm only human. So how about if I sit over here andtalk with you first, then I'll play a game with you...and soon." This also works really well when there's a new baby in thehouse. Obviously, if you're in the middle of feeding,changing or bathing the baby, you can't give the olderone(s) the attention they want. So just say as sympathetically as possible, "You know what?I bet you want a hug right now, don't you?" Or, "Could youuse some mommy time?" Or, "Does it seem to you like thebaby is getting all my attention?" Then say, "You deserve my attention, too. And I want togive it to you. Right now, I can't because I have to feedthe baby. But as soon as I'm finished I'm going to...[giveyou a great big hug, play Candy Land with you, etc.] Is This Really Guaranteed to Work? Yes, but, of course, you have to put it into practice. I am the first to admit that when I'm tired, hungry, crankyor PMSish (or worse, postpartumish!), I just can't botherwith this trick. I mean, geez, even Barney would get PMS ifhe were a woman (and not a make-believe character)! Sodon't expect the battles to stop instantaneously and neverarise again. Plus, when the kids are tired and cranky, it doesn't matterhow much attention you give them, they're not going torespond to anything but food and sleep. Understand that,too. The reason this trick is guaranteed to work because it'sbased on understanding that the root of all sibling rivalryis a battle for your attention. Even if you do nothingother than understand that, and accept that all kids needattention (probably more than you have to give), you're 80%of the way there. Stephanie Gallagher is the author of several parentingbooks and creator of "Mommy Merry Go Round," thehilarious new online movie that's taking the motherhoodcommunity by storm! See it today athttp://www.mommymerrygoround.com
MORE RESOURCES:
Parenting - Google News |
|
|
|
RELATED ARTICLES
Sharing Books with Children One of my first memories of childhood is that of my mother reading Dr. Seuss books to me in a big brown recliner in our living room. The Twenty-First Century Parent John was a 43 year-old sales manager at a large company. He's married and has 3 children, ages 7, 9, and 12. Parenting: Blending Familes - 9 Universal Laws The law of -ing.The law of -ing refers to a misnomer in the way we talk about this special kind of family. Americas Public schools --- Deteriorating Like They Did In Ancient Rome The citizens of the early Roman Republic enjoyed an education system similar to ancient Athens. It was voluntary and parents paid tutors or schools directly. Beginning the Special Education Process Like anything else in life, there's a method to the special education process. It was put in place to help people who deal with learning disabilities get the best services possible. Pick Your Fights With Your Teenager Wisely I know as a single parent or even with 2 parents, it is hard raising a teenage girl or a boy.I noticed throughout my son's teenage life, his emotions were different than mine. How To Teach Your Children Courage Courage means doing the right thing when it is hard, even when it means being called a "chicken" by others.A person with courage dares to attempt difficult things that are good. Resilient, Confident Kids - 10 Ways to Promote Resilience in Children Do your children have a McChildhood? Do they experience the type of childhood that may satisfy them in the short-term as their immediate needs are met, but in the long-term, leaves them ill-equipped to deal with some of the curve balls that are thrown their way?The emergence of indoor playgrounds is an example of the lengths we go to not only provide a sanitised life for kids but to ensure that they never get bored (or even get wet and cold when they play)!It helps sometimes to stand back and take stock of the type of childhood that we provide for our kids.Here are 10 elements of a childhood that promotes resilience in children and young people. How Do Campers Protect Their Children? Oh yes you have! Suddenly, "Where's Bobby?" You instantly realize that he is not where he is supposed to be-where you told him to stay! Little kids, and even older ones, just don't behave like they used to. Has anyone noticed that?Since corporeal punishment of children has departed the scene, parents are left with the ominous job of establishing rules for their kids to follow using verbal communication techniques, as apposed to grandpa's "back-of-the-hand" coersion. Goal Setting for Kids Goal setting is essential for building a successful life. However, teaching kids how to set and achieve goals is not part of most school curriculums, nor is it taught in most homes. The Science of Mother Love A growing body of scientific evidence shows that the way babies are cared for by their mothers will determine not only their emotional development, but the biological development of the child's brain and central nervous system as well. The nature of love, and how the capacity to love develops, has become the subject of scientific study over the last decade. Ten Ways to Help Your Child Make Friends Nothing touches the heartstrings of a parent or teacher more than the plaintive cry "nobody likes me" or"I don't have any friends." We wish there were something we could do to insure the child will be, if not the most popular, at least included in the games on the playground. STOP Parental Alienation Syndrome before It Gets a Chance to START Parental Alienation Syndrome was probably first identified and codified by Dr. Richard Gardner in his book of the same name. Reading Activities Parents Can Use For Their Children Using 14 "at" Flashcards To Teach Reading:This exercise helps your child increase the speed with which she reads the words she has a grip on so far. Write each of the words flat, chat, brat, spat, splat, and drat on a separate index card. Late Night Adventures with Your Children Vacations are fun ! Weekends with the family are nice. But, Late Night Adventures are "simply marvelous". My Teenaged Parents Frankly, as a single parent of young children, I struggled. But, as the single parent of teenagers, I stunk! Faced with the reality of children who could (and did) do whatever they really, really wanted to do, I was often baffled. Why Modern Moms Are Going Back to the Basics - The Evolution of the Cloth Diaper Having a baby is one of the most exciting times of your life. It is also one of the most stressful. Child Separation Anxiety: Does Your Child Have It? If you are a parent, then more than likely you may face the common problem of separation anxiety in your child. What exactly is child separation anxiety? In a nutshell, this is the type of anxiety or stress your child may encounter when you leave him/her alone and they get upset or cry due to the separation involved. Why Mother's Day is Important For Children Mother's Day is important for children.This Mother's Day take note how your children celebrate the occasion. What Parents Should Do For Children To Do Their Best After Divorce? Why do some children still do best after divorce and separation? Is there divorce parenting approaches that really work? Read and learn the divorce parenting approaches that really work.Going through the process of divorce is a challenging life transition for both parents and children.
|
| home | site map |
| © 2006 |
