| |
| |
|
Parenting Information |
|
|
|
Normal and Logical Consequences
Successful parents have learned to be both firm and kind at the same time. They set boundaries and work with their children to help them understand that they will follow through with appropriate action if inappropriate behavior continues. Don't think when I say firmness that I really mean strictness. Strictness deals with the child; firmness is more an extension of our resolve toward our decisions. AN EXAMPLE OF KIND, BUT FIRM CONSEQUENCES "Yes, you may play in the sprinkler, but you must dry off before coming in doors. If you do not dry off and you get water on the floor, you will not be allowed to play with the water for the rest of the day." There is no better place for your child to learn values, standards, and social skills than in the home. There is no better teaching method than letting natural consequences take place. If you as an adult don't pay the phone bill, they cut off your service. If your child doesn't turn in his report, he receives a low grade. If there are no natural consequences, parents sometimes have to establish a logical one. Make sure that your children have a clear understanding of their actions and the consequences. We want them to comprehend that for every action there is a reaction, either pleasant or unpleasant. There should be no question that when your ruin your sister's sweater, you pay for a new one and, if the laundry is not done by the agreed-upon time, that they may not go with their friends. CONSEQUENCE MUST FIT THE MISBEHAVIOR Consequences must fit the misbehavior in order for it to be a teaching tool. It is frequently more effective to ask children what they think is a fair consequence rather than arbitrarily handing out a life sentence. It gives them a chance to examine the problem and come up with other solutions. It also helps them to assume personal responsibility for their choices and actions. You will be amazed at the wise answers your children will give you when you ask them, "What do you think is fair?" or even, "This is a real problem. What should we do about it?" The easier road is to yell at them, ground them, or punish them, but that road doesn't teach them much or allow them to solve their own problems. It only makes the parent resentful and the child angry. The higher road takes a few more minutes, a calm voice, and a reasonable manner, but it leaves the child with his/her pride intact and tools to recognize how actions impact other people and things. DON'T ACCEPT "I FORGOT" Establish a rule: three reminders to do a job and you lose a privilege. Make sure that you all agree on the consequences beforehand, and then stick to them. Do not accept "I forgot". If children "forget", or just don't do their chores, it is much more effective for them to receive a visual reminder than verbal attack on their integrity by fuming parents. If your son is supposed to take out the garbage or clean the cat box and doesn't, simply place it on his bed or pillow where he can't miss seeing it. Don't get roped into a verbal confrontation. When he comes to you complaining because his room stinks, simply smile and say, "Oh that must be why the garbage needs to be taken out daily. It is your responsibility to take care of it." Then, just walk away. Assign a "police sergeant" to pick up every night at 8:00 p.m. Any item left lying about can be held for a fine, payable to the sergeant. If you are not giving allowances, the same idea can be accomplished by giving each child a number of tokens or buttons each day or at the family council. The buttons can be used to "buy" treats and treasures from a special box. When children pay fines, it is the logical consequences for not picking up their toys and belongings. NATURAL AND LOGICAL CONSEQUENCES ARE THE BEST TEACHERS Congratulations for wanting to do better for your family. Remember you don't have to be a perfect parent but you need to be a present parent. They need your presence and attention much more than presents from Toys-R-Us or Wall Mart. Ninety percent of success is just showing up every day and caring. One hundred years from now, it will not matter what kind of car you drove, what you did for a living, how many hours you stayed at the office to finish a report, how clean your house was or how many "things" you had acquired. What will matter is that because you took the time and effort to be important in the life of your child, you touched eternity and changed the world. Judy H. Wright, Parent Educator ©2005 www.ArtichokePress.com This article has been written by Judy H. Wright, a parent educator and PBS consultant. You will find a full listing of books, tele-classes, and workshops listed at www.ArtichokePress.com. You have permission to use the article providing full credit is given to author. She may be contacted at 406-549-9813 or JudyWright@ArtichokePress.com
MORE RESOURCES:
Parenting - Google News |
|
|
|
RELATED ARTICLES
Parenting Problem? 5 Simple Things That Will Help What is a parenting problem?Parenting is a tough job, we all know that. Parents face many situations that they are not familiar how to deal with. Parenting Your Teenager: How to Respond to Manipulation Q. My daughter has gotten very good at manipulating us, and sometimes we do not even know it has happened until much later. How To Foster An Environment For Successful Communications With Your Child As parents, we strive to address all of the questions asked by our children. If we don't have the answer, or don't like the question, we would never think of ignoring the child. Entering Their Imaginative World In dealing with children with autism spectrum disorders, its all about relationship. These children are within a realm where they feel and respond much differently than others. Watch Your Language! - How Parents Can Help Kids Help Themselves 'I felt great until I walked into the classroom - then itall went wrong!'No, this wasn't a teacher talking! It was a high schoolstudent on the day of an important exam.She needed a good grade in a particular subject to qualifyfor a place at college, so she had worked hard and psychedherself up for success. Bring On The Music To Help Your Child Learn Faster And More Effectively Do you remember how you first learned the alphabet? I am quite sure that the majority of us learnt it by singing the ABC Song: 'ABCDEFG-HIJKLMNOP-QRS-TUV-WXY-and-Z.. Ten Tips to Stimulate Your Newborns Senses A number of scientific studies have shown the way a baby uses her senses in the early months of life is crucial to future development. A baby, whose senses are stimulated develop a sharper memory, inquisitiveness and a better concentration. Teenagers and Stress: What Parents Can Do to Help More and more parents are expressing their concerns about how to support their teenagers who are complaining about the stress in their lives.What parents may not realize, is that what they do every day by providing healthy food, support, and a comforting home, provides the very stress-antidotes their teens need. Where Is Your Homework, Lisa? Is Homework Really That Important?Dear Friends,I no longer teach in public schools, but for what seems like 100 years, I did. During my long career, I did the best I knew how to do at the time, based on where I was in life, and what I had learned about teaching. Parenting Your Teenager: How to Say NO! Q: Whenever we tell my daughter "no," she just bugs and pesters until we give in. I know it's wrong to give in, but she makes things so unpleasant that we give in just to make peace. 10 Points on Children for the New Parent I remember when my daughter was born, later my son. According to many well meaning individuals, I should've done this, should've done that and maybe improved in some areas. How Public Schools Assault Parents Values Is there anything wrong with lying, cheating, stealing, shop-lifting, taking drugs, premarital sex, insulting your parents, pornography, irresponsibility, or getting pregnant in junior high school? Not according to the values taught to children in many public schools today.From the earliest times in America, teachers have believed that schools should teach moral values. Hints on how to encourage children to read Hints from Ruowen Wang? Keep a small basket filled with joke books, magazines, short stories, books of questions and answers, and books like Ripley's Believe It or Not in each bathroom of your house.? Put a map of the solar system, a map of the world, or a map of your local community on the wall. Parenting Your Teenager: The Bottom Line Issues Q. When you consult with a family with teens, what are the typical bottom-line issues?A. Making Internet Chat Safe For Your Children No matter what you say or do, your kids will chat and use IM (instant messengers) over the internet. That's a given. The Cost of Competition on Kids The subject of competition is one that provokes some pretty strong feelings in the United States. In fact, even hinting that competition might not be such a great thing can cause one to be labeled un-American. Son, Can I Use The Car Tonight? I recall somewhere in the recesses of my aging brain a time past when kids actually asked to borrow the family car for the evening. Heck, I even recall myself uttering that request to my folks many times. Child Safety at Home Maintaining a safe home environment for your childrenAs adults and parents we are responsible for all the aspects of child safety at home and the importance of following child safety tips to improve the area cannot be emphasised enough! Accidents occurring where child safety at home is weak can have lasting effects and include burns, scarring, irrational fears, blindness and even death! Child safety at home is relatively easy to enforce, once we as parents and caregivers understand and apply some basic child safety tips.Children are unique and precious individuals and when it relates to child safety at home, everything should be done to create a safe space where they can grow up. Busy Moms, Dont Forget to Take Time Out for You! As mothers, we play so many different roles and most of us do not take the time off that we deserve. Just think about it, we play doctor, cook, chauffeur, teacher, lawyer, and the occasional referee as well. Eco-Parenting Arabella Greatorex, owner of The Natural Nursery, reports on the rapidly rising demand for natural, environmentally friendly and ethically sound parenting products and highlights some of the concerns that have fuelled these demands.Organic FoodThere has been much media debate around the promotion of heavily processed foods to children, part of a long standing concern about the quality of food on offer in the UK.
|
| home | site map |
| © 2006 |
