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Parenting Information |
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Kids And Chores - Make It Easy On Yourself!
My neighbours' kid impressed me the other day. I was busy painting the backyard fence, when their ten-yearold son came out with the vacuum cleaner. He opened thefront panel, removed the bag, and put it in the bin. Then hetook a replacement bag, fitted it, and went back indoors -probably to get on with the vacuum cleaning! Fifteen minutes later he came out with a large plasticrubbish bag and put it in the bin too. The young kid was atease with his chores. He was his usual pleasant self andthere was no sign of moodiness or resentment. Clearly his parents had taught their kids in a way which -I have to admit!- my wife and I didn't teach ours. When our family was growing we tended to do most of thechores ourselves. We were keen - well, my wife was keen! -to ensure that we shared the chores as a couple. This approach backfired as the kids were growing. Sincethere was no clearly defined 'chore chart' and sincerequests for their help were only made occasionally, therewas a certain reluctance most of the time. Even today there can be the odd dispute about who shouldwalk the dog - and loading the dishwasher, it seems, is oneof life's mysteries revealed only to parents. So here's my advice: Don't do what we did! Be like our neighbours and start them young. Bring them upto realise that if you live in a home, you contribute to thehome. If they grow into this routine, there's unlikely to beresentment or ill-feeling - provided the chores areallocated fairly, of course. What about parents whose older kids have got off lightly? Well, you could continue to slave after your charges - butwhy not start a new regime? One approach often suggested is that you appeal to theteenager's sense of duty, highlighting their obligations tothemselves and others. But psychologists tell us that approach is the LEAST likelyto work with teens. It's a fact of human nature that people tend to respond morewhen there's a clear benefit for themselves. So why not stress the benefits of getting involved in thehousehold chores? Help them see it as an opportunity todevelop confidence and independence. When they go off tocollege or move into a flat or apartment, how are they goingto feel if they can't cope? How are they going to look in front of friends if they can'tcook, can't wash and iron their clothes, and can't tidy upafter themselves? If they learn these skills, they won't bestranded! If your kids are coming to household chores after years ofhaving things done for them, you may need to use a rewardsystem to help them over their inertia. No, not gold starsand trips to the zoo! Rather, 'Mow the lawn and you can have the car on Fridaynight,' or, 'Let's see what you can do around the house andwe'll review your allowance.' And remember to show them HOW it's done. You may want toconsider working with them the first few times, especiallyif it's a task they've never attempted before. This approach has worked well for my wife and I, who arelate-starters in the 'chores for kids' stakes. Remember, if things are done out of a sense of 'duty',people tend to be ambivalent. On the one hand they may feelobliged to get on with it, but on the other they may resentit - and that builds up ill-feeling. Use rewards by all means, but it's better, I think, to helpour kids realise that doing the chores is part of theirdevelopment. That way they're more likely to do themwillingly. This may be a tad idealistic, but this approach, whenblended with an attractive reward, can lead to a well-deserved, easier life for hard-pressed parents. Happy parenting! Why do some parents and children succeed, while othersfail?Frank McGinty is an internationally published author andteacher. If you want to develop your parentingskills and encourage your kids to be all they can be, visit his web pages, http://www.frank-mcginty.com/peace-formula.html AND http://www.frank-mcginty.com/for-parents.html
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