| |
| |
|
Parenting Information |
|
|
|
Challenges for Our Children
Researchers have estimated that 25-35% of children in the United States have Learning Disabilities. At least 5% have Attention Deficit Disorders. All too many times during the course of their academic careers these children are labeled by teachers (or parents) as being "lazy," or "stupid." Remarks of this type are typically interpreted by the child as, "You're no good," and the self-esteem levels drop. At least 50% of children will experience the divorce of their parents prior to turning 18 years old. Most children, for whatever reasons too complicated to go into here, will tend to place at least a portion of the blame for the parent's divorce on themselves. Since the parents are typically placed on a pedestal in the eyes of the child, the blame for the divorce cannot be placed on the parents and must be placed elsewhere, most commonly on themselves. This also significantly impacts children's self-esteem levels. There are other important challenges to maintaining reasonable self-esteem, such as merely being "average" in a world that worships only the good looking, the good athletes, and the well-to-do. Let me say here and now that inappropriately high levels of self-esteem may be worse that low levels. Levels of self-esteem that are too high may lead kids to believe that they are more important than anyone else, and that they should never be frustrated by work or challenges in life. It leads young people to believe that they should always have their way. Inflated levels of self-esteem ultimately discourages children and teens from learning how to work hard, and may well lead into criminal behavior (criminals tend to have high levels of self-esteem, not low levels). Inflated levels of self-esteem also are directly at odds with the development of one's spirituality and relationship with God. After all, who needs to develop a relationship with God when he believes that what he wants is more important than what God wants? The ultimate out come of the self-esteem movement is seen in the New Age doctrine that you are, in fact, God. Yes you. The guy who can't balance his check book or keep his car fixed. You are God? So they tell us. People are cheated in every important aspect of their lives, emotionally, socially, and spiritually, when their sense of self-esteem is over-inflated. So how can we instill appropriate levels of self-esteem in our children? Briefly, here are five key thoughts . . . First, change the way that you look at this area of life from "self-esteem" to "self-confidence." There is a difference as wide as the sea. To "esteem" someone, including one's self, involves feelings of "reverence" or "awe" or "honor" or "glory." Words have meaning. Let's not get carried away with trying to make our kids feel good about themselves by starting to ascribe to them positions of honor normally reserved for God, and perhaps for Presidents and Kings. The majority of our society's problems are caused by people thinking that they are as important or as powerful as God, or at least that they are more important than anyone else in the world. This is not something that we really want to encourage in our children, or in ourselves. Instead we do want to encourage self-confidence. This attribute becomes especially powerful and beautiful when paired with the virtue of self-control. Raise your children to have these two character traits, and you will have wonderful and successful children, ADD/LD or not. Second, give lots of encouragement, praise, acceptance, and teach responsibility. Encouragement comes when you focus on your child's assets and strengths in order to build his/her self-confidence. See the positive. Even failures can be outstanding learning experiences. Encouragement sounds like this, "I like the way that you did that," or "I know that you can do it," or, "It looks like you worked very hard at that." Encouragement is NOT giving compliments for work poorly done, but under those circumstances it IS inspiring your child to work harder and do better. "Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up, according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen." -St. Paul (Eph. 4:29) Ultimately self-confidence comes from having accomplished things worth being proud of. Reserve Praise for things well done. Where Encouragement is given for effort, Praise is given for accomplishment. Just say, "That's a good start, keep at it," when the work is not yet worthy of praise. Accept your child for who he/she is. If you expected that your baby would grow into an Olympic athlete with an IQ of 148, and instead he/she is "average" then you might be very disappointed as a parent (most children are "average," which is why they call it "average"). Disappointment is often turned into anger, or at least frustration. If your child cannot live up to your dreams for him or her (and why should they?) then please be careful of your emotions. If you are not careful, your own dreams and expectations for your child will become a wedge between you and your child. Please never make your love, encouragement, or acceptance, dependent on their performance or behavior. Teach Responsibility to your children. Let them try things and let them fail once in a while. Don't keep bailing them out. Victory only tastes sweet if we taste the bitterness of failure once in a while. Trust me, the dog's not going to starve if he misses a meal or two. The newspaper won't come to publish a story on your family if your child fails to make his bed once in a while. Just use these occasions to remind your child that if his dog is going to ever eat again, he needs to get out there and feed it (assuming that's your child's job). Remind your child that he or she is an important member of your home and that he needs to be responsible with doing his chores. Make the consequences for not being responsible fit the crime. And of course be sure to reward/praise your child when he does act responsibly. Behavior that is rewarded tends to be repeated, and behavior that is ignored tends to go away -- so always reward and praise responsible behaviors in your children. Douglas Cowan, Psy.D., is a family therapist who has been working with ADHD children and their families since 1986. He is the clinical director of the ADHD Information Library's family of seven web sites, including http://www.newideas.net, helping over 350,000 parents and teachers learn more about ADHD each year. Dr. Cowan also serves on the Medical Advisory Board of VAXA International of Tampa, FL., is President of the Board of Directors for KAXL 88.3 FM in central California, and is President of NewIdeas.net Incorporated.
MORE RESOURCES:
Interaction of Parenting Experiences and Brain Structure in the ... - Archives of General Psychiatry
Parenting - Google News |
|
|
|
RELATED ARTICLES
Develop Your Childs Genius: Training Your Child for Success This time, I would like to talk about a subject that is appropriate for every age group out there. Even we, parents, can benefit from this, we can develop success skills together with our children. Parenting Your Teenager: The Trust Issue Q. How do we decide what our teens should be able to do? How do they earn trust and responsibility?A. Drugs and Violence In Public Schools Many public schools not only fail to educate our children, they can also be dangerous places. These schools are a natural breeding ground for drugs and violence. Are You Raising an Emotionally Intelligent Child? Although many parents are concerned with our children's intelligence quotient (IQ), research shows that a child's emotional quotient (EQ) is just as important for that child's personal success. So what is Emotional Intelligence? Emotional quotient is your child's ability to feel, while intelligence quotient is your child's ability to think. The Top 10 Tips for Communicating with Children Most people have more training before they receive their driver's license than before they become a parent. Educating yourself on how to communicate effectively with your child can be the key to achieving your parenting goals. God Dont Like Rich People I will never forget the day that my daughter's sixth grade friend told me that. We had been discussing someone who had recently lost a fortune and had become very bitter as a result. So, My Child Has Been Recommended for Testing - What Do I Do Now? You've just received a call from your child's teacher. As your blood pounds in your ears, you hear her explain how she has noticed your child having difficulty with some academic subject in school. Are You Meeting ALL Your Childs Basic Needs? This may come as a surprise, but many parents are unaware ofthe full extent of their child's basic needs.Do you remember the old song by Lennon and McCartney aboutthe girl leaving home after 'living alone for so manyyears'? The parents were desolate. Using Cloth Nappies We all know that using cloth nappies is best for the environment and for our baby's health (not to mention our pockets) but just how easy are they to use?Here are answers to some common questions to help get you started.Are cloth nappies easy to use?The short answer, is YES. Your Child's Self-Esteem is in The Cards Research has shown that the present generation of children worldwide is demonstrating more social-emotional challenges (from low self-esteem to depression) than ever before. Families, schools, recreation programs etc. Examining Drugs for ADHD, Particularly Strattera In memory of 14 year old Matthew Smith; 11 year old Stephanie Hall; and 10 year old Shaina Dunkle and other children who have died from the use of psychotropic drugs for "ADHD".The Eli Lilly company has been marketing a new drug for those who are labeled as ADHD known as Strattera. Helpful Tips for the Adoptive Grandparent Few things are more completely enjoyable than becoming a grandparent. Grandchildren are one of life's joys, whether they come by birth or via adoption. What Are Reasonable Expectations of a Child? To have reasonable expectations of our children is an important aspect of wise parenting. Reasonable expectations leave room for a child to be a child but understand they are on the road to learning to be a mature adult. New Mom...New Baby...New Debt? Ah, there is nothing like being an expectant mom. Along with your expanding waistline comes the ever growing list of products for you and your new bundle of joy. Spanking Children ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Results of the Spanking Poll on Rexanne.com: Voters - 233Percentage of readers who do not spank their children: 37%Percentage of readers who spank their children: 62%~~~~~~~~~~~~~~I am completely opposed to spanking. Parenting Your Teenager: 3 More Dangerous Myths MYTH: If you have not parented as well as you would have liked up until now, it's too late to try anything different.REALITY: This is one of those seductive little lies that sounds so close to the truth. From Go Fast Kids to Calm Kids How excited do kids get with the start of school approaching? Getting kids to go from the freedom of school holidays to move to that place of being settled and ready for school can be a challenge for some parents. Many children now days are identified as being ADD and ADHD I call these kids "go fasts" and the transition from holidays to school can be a bit more of a challenge for these kids. What is Child Sexual Abuse? What is child sexual abuse? Any sexual activity that is imposed on a child by an adult or an adolescent is a sexual assault and abuse of the power of one person over another. This also includes experiences of child to child, teen to child, teen to teen, if there is an age difference of four or more years. My Dads Secrets From the book Spider's Night on the BoomI've only begun to understand my dad since I became a father myself, and it's amazing to me how I'm constantly being reminded of lessons he taught me 40 years ago-lessons that I never even knew I was learning.As a kid, my life was like a black-and-white kid's adventure movie, composed of disjointed, but sometimes very exciting scenes. Types of Schools for Troubled Teens It can be difficult on all family members to have a teen move to a boarding facility. As a result, many parents choose to take their troubled teen to an alternative school.
|
| home | site map |
| © 2006 |
