| |
| |
|
Parenting Information |
|
|
|
More than Mom and Dad
Love, love, love. It makes the world go round. It makes a family. So why does it seem the moment you have a baby, love, or at least your love life as you know it, goes right up in a cloud of baby powder? Let's face it, you're tired, you're overwhelmed, and there's a good chance you're wearing baby spit-up on the shoulder of your blouse. Obstetrician and gynecologist, Laura Filojek McKain explains another reason why many new moms have lost that loving feeling. "New babies are demanding. They require round-the-clock attention and a great deal of physical contact. This can be both physically and emotionally draining. When you finally have a moment to yourself, you may need a break from intense physical attachment..." New moms have the added challenge of contending with very powerful physical changes and hormonal shifts as their bodies' transition back to a non-pregnant state. Shifting Sand Having a baby changes everything, including your relationship with your partner. While ideally the ultimate in bonding, having a baby is also a major life altering experience and can cause strain in even the best of relationships. In the early, often overwhelming days of new parenthood, it's easy to get so wrapped up in your fascinating newborn that other parts of your life are neglected. When it's hard enough trying to work a shower into your daily routine, it seems nearly impossible to worry about anything of less urgency than a hungry baby. The good news is the hormonal shifts, physical fatigue, and blinding obsession with your newborn (well, at least the hormonal shifts and physical fatigue) are temporary. But in the meanwhile, how do you retain a close connection with your partner? And why is it so important? Making Marriage a Priority Statistics show that better than half of all new parents experience a decline in marital satisfaction following the birth of a child, with nearly 1/3 of all divorces occurring within the first five years of a child's life. Similar decline is reported following the birth of each subsequent child. Does that mean having children will be detrimental to your marriage? No. It does mean, however, many new parents develop unhealthy ways of relating, or not relating, after children come along. The downside of blinding obsession with your children is the tendency to neglect other facets of your life, which might include your partner. Without communication and team work, mom may feel overwhelmed and unappreciated, while dad is left feeling the odd man out unnecessary except to give a break to mom's tired arms. Neither of these are a prescription for closeness. The lack of relating that starts as a simple survival instinct can easily become habit as babies become toddlers and preschoolers making new demands on your time. In the absence of regular, conscious maintenance, parents may drift apart without even realizing what's happened until they see the gulf between them. Survey Says University of Washington doctoral student Alyson Shapiro, and renowned marital researcher, John Gottman, PhD., found three core concepts that successfully help couples make the transition from partners to parents in their study, "The baby and the marriage: identifying factors that buffer against decline in marital satisfaction after the first baby arrives" in the Journal of Family Psychology (Vol. 14, No. 1):
Take Time to Date and Relate Combat new parent stress by using the postpartum period to foster intimacy with your partner. Think a baby-sitter is a luxury? Think again. A happy marriage equals happy parents. By nurturing your connection with each other, you directly impact the future happiness and emotional well-being of your child. Schedule a date with your partner to help rekindle those feelings that made you a couple before it made you mom and dad. Not ready to leave baby yet? You don't have to. Hire a sitter to entertain your wee one, and stay home and spend an uninterrupted evening together with your partner. The object isn't to get away from baby; it's to spend quality time together as a couple. Remember the things you liked to do together before you became parents. Laugh together. Have a conversation about something other than the color of the contents of your baby's last dirty diaper. Most importantly, throw out any preconceived notions you might have about life with your new baby. The realities of every day parenting often fall short of the blissful images cultivated by the media and our own minds. Both parenting and partnering are hard work. Unrealistic expectations of a utopian Gerber baby existence will prevent you from seeing the true joy of new parenthood, which, like childbirth itself, it as messy as it is beautiful. About The Author Barbara Eastom Bates is the author of the upcoming release, "Basic Training for Brides-to-Be," and editor-in-chief of Operation Military Spouse, http://www.operationmilitaryspouse.com. opmilspouse@yahoo.com
MORE RESOURCES:
Parenting - Google News |
|
|
|
RELATED ARTICLES
Raising Teenagers? Stay C.A.L.M. Parents of teenagers frequently ask what can be done to improve their relationship with their kids. This can be a challenging time, and a time when parents sometimes feel rejected, out of touch, and unclear about what to do. "I'M OVERWHELMED" -- 5 Tips On How Parents Can Take Control Of Their Lives Are you feeling overwhelmed being a parent? Do you want to feel more relaxed and empowered raising your child? Working parents, stay-at-home parents, visiting parents - it doesn't matter which one you are because these days almost every parent feels overwhelmed by their daily day. Parents every day experience anxiety, stress and despondency because they feel as if they are losing control of their natural balance. Will My Child Ever Out-grow His Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder? If your child has Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder then at some point you will be asking the question, "Will my child ever outgrow it?" Well, there is good news, and not so good news, when it comes to the answer. Studies indicate that about half of those with ADHD will outgrow many of the symptoms of the disorder by the time he or she is in their 20's. Financially Stable Kids - Prepared for College We are all familiar with the stories that most students have when they finally get through those last days of college. Their financial states are in ruins, with accumulated credit card debt along with the student loans. What is Prenatal Intelligence? Prenatal intelligence, also known as fetal intelligence, has become a very hot topic among medical professionals and expecting parents because of the affects it might have on the fetus. Many studies have been done that show a link between fetal stimulation and intelligence as well as increased development of motor skills, language and social skills. Top 25 Children Quotations "You can learn many things from children. How much patience you have, for instance. SMUT Spelled Backwards is TUMS Why are more people, especially parents not outraged?I call it SMUT - Selling Made Under Titillation.It seems that more and more corporations are chasing the dollar to the demise of the family. How NOT to Motivate Your Children and Students Chaim Ginott was a schoolteacher whose ideas and observations helped to bring about a near revolution in the way teachers interact with their young charges. He later practiced as a psychologist. Starting School - What Age Should Children Begin School? "What age should my child start school?"This is a common question that concerns many parents. It is complicated if your child's birthday happens to fall near a closing date for new school enrolments. Meeting The True Needs of Children Diagnosed As ADHD How should one look upon Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD) and what is the effective way to aid those who are given this diagnosis? There has been considerable debate as to whether or not ADHD is a genuine disorder. Psychiatrist and professor Robert Hedaya (1996, pg. How To Teach Your Children Social Skills As our children grow, they will be going to schools and interacting with lots of different people other. For example, friends and teachers. Strengths and Weaknesses All too often, children with learning disabilities are seen through their weaknesses. Like anyone else, however, they have many strengths. Top Five Ways To Stay In Touch With Your Child Once your little boy/girl goes off to school, you may find that your "special talks" occur less frequently.. Is it ADHD or Bi-Polar Disorder? Bi-Polar Disorder, or Manic Depression, is characterized by mood swings, sometimes extreme, ranging from depressed to normal moods, or from depressed to manic episodes. Manic behaviors are often very similar to "hyperactive" behaviors, including motor restlessness, irritability, temper outbursts, sleeping less, or having higher levels of energy. Finding Out Your Child Has a Disability: Its Not the end of the World Finding out that a child has been born with a disability, or that a previously healthy child has suffered an injury or disease that causes a disability can be the most traumatic moment in a parent's life. Shock is usually the first thing people experience. Parenting Your Teenager: 4 Dangerous Myths MYTH: All teens have to rebel, and the teen years will be miserable years for a family.REALITY: Teens do have to separate from their parents and families. Top 20 Items To Pack In A Diaper Bag 1. Diapers (5 -7 is a fairly safe supply)2. Are Public Schools Anti-Parent? Some public schools try to turn children against their parents with scary classroom stories or lessons about child abuse. Public school authorities have increasingly decided that they are children's first line of defense against child abuse. Parent Involvement: Finding Your Way in Middle School and High School In elementary school it's pretty straightforward: bringing in cupcakes to help the room mother, reading a story to the class, or helping out at the science fair. Your child is happy - proud even-to have you be a part of his classroom activities. Ease Bug Bites with Easy Herbs Summertime means insect bites and stings. Ouch! Take a leaf from Susun S.
|
| home | site map |
| © 2006 |
.jpg){kind=small}
