| |
| |
|
Parenting Information |
|
|
|
Play the Ball, Not the Man!
As parents and teachers, sometimes we want to praise, at other times we need to rebuke. Either way, how do we put our point across with maximum effectiveness? Adults entrusted with the character training of children have few weapons in their armory as powerful as praise. Just how powerful, we all know from our own experience. If we don't use this tool as much as we should, it's probably because we haven't trained ourselves to recognize opportunities to do so. It's a skill that must be learned, like any other. But a weapon that's not controlled is, of course, an instrument of destruction. Praise is not something to be administered haphazardly. On the contrary, it has to be perfectly targeted. And the most effective praise is specific, appropriate and objective.It is targeted not to the personality of the recipient, but rather to his or her achievements. Global praise such as "You're a wonderful girl," may give a child the impression that her inherent worth is dependent on her actions. Again, if she senses that she does not deserve excessive praise, she may reject it out of hand. On the other hand, if the praise truly matches the deed, the recipient will, of his own accord, draw the appropriate inferences. (Incidentally, although we're talking about children, these principles apply with anyone.) If your son comes home from school with an outstanding poem he has written, it won't be helpful to exclaim: "Tommy, you're the world's best poet!" But perhaps you can tell him: "Your imagery is so vivid that it's as if I can see the scene you're describing before my eyes!" He'll then conclude: "I can write poetry well." Now - if all this is true when we are dispensing praise, how much more does it apply when it falls to our lot to rebuke someone! Do you play football? The object of the game, irrespective of which variety you are playing, is basically to get the ball to the far end of the field. I'm no sportsman, but I remember that when we played Rugby as schoolboys, it was legitimate to grab a player of the opposing team and cause him to fall, in order to wrest the ball from his possession. Occasionally, an overzealous classmate would forget that this "tackling" was a means to an end, and not an end in itself! He would be duly reprimanded with the words: "Play the ball, and not the man!" Let's end with another true-life incident cited by Ginott in one of his books. Seven year-old Sammy is sitting at the table, playing with a plastic cup. "Don't play with that cup! You're always dropping things," chides Mom. Sammy promptly drops the cap. It shatters into many pieces. "Look, I told you so! You're so clumsy. Why are you so stupid?" "You're stupid, too! Didn't you break Daddy's razor last week?" "You're cheeky too! How dare you call your Mother stupid!" "You called me stupid first!" Mom grabs hold of her little boy to give him a good whacking. Sammy resists. In the ensuing struggle, Mom cuts her hand against some glass. The sight of blood unnerves little Sammy, and he runs away in panic. It's late in the evening by the time he's found. That night, no one in Sammy's household sleeps well. Too bad that Mom had not merely said: "Sammy, you dropped the cup. We can't afford to buy new cups all the time. Here's a broom and dustpan to mop it up." Now what about YOU?
When you praise and when you reprimand, and communicate with others in all sorts of ways - do you play the ball...or the man? Azriel Winnett is creator of Hodu.com - Your Communication Skills Portal. This popular free website helps you improve your communication and relationship skills in your business or professional life, in the family unit and on the social scene. New articles added almost daily.
MORE RESOURCES:
Parenting - Google News |
|
|
|
RELATED ARTICLES
Influencing Adolescents - Guided Democracy You need to smart to be able influence adolescents. You need to be able to stand back a little, hold your tongue and wait your turn to speak. 10 Signs That Your Teen Is Using Drugs Did you know that over 75% of teens aged 16-17 report that obtaining marijuana is "easy or fairly easy?" Or that 25% of youths between 12 and 17 say the same of crack?When children start using drugs they usually exhibit many different signs that parents need to watch out for. Unfortunately, many parents often write-off these signs as normal adolescent behavior and as a result they don't realize that their child is into drugs until it is too late. Psychological Effects of Child Abuse Many children who suffer from the psychological effects of child abuse often become child abusers themselves or can become perpetrators of violent crimes. Many inmates in our jails and prisons have been victims of child abuse. Advocating for Your Child with LD Advocate: you've probably heard the term before. But what does it mean to you? Advocating happens when you speak on behalf of someone else. Reincarnation: Sacred Children Series - 1 of 3 Many years ago, my children were raised on the various teachings and concepts of "magic" as I was studying different religions and spiritual beliefs. I had come across many metaphysical teachings woven throughout most of the different religions. Friendships - Helping Children Develop Friendship Skills Reasearch into children's friendships shows that those children who are able to form friendships when they start school are happier at school and also learn better.More significantly, a positive beginning to friendships has long-term implications for social and indirectly academic success. Is it ADHD or Bi-Polar Disorder? Bi-Polar Disorder, or Manic Depression, is characterized by mood swings, sometimes extreme, ranging from depressed to normal moods, or from depressed to manic episodes. Manic behaviors are often very similar to "hyperactive" behaviors, including motor restlessness, irritability, temper outbursts, sleeping less, or having higher levels of energy. Its a Sick World It's no joy to be sick. It's even less joy when your child is sick. Signs of Child Sexual Abuse Many families do not want to believe their child is being sexually abused even if the signs of child sexual abuse are staring them straight in the face. Unfortunately many families are in a similar situation where both parents are working full time and someone other than the biological parents are caring for their children. Parental Internet Control Tips The Internet is one of the greatest inventions of all time. Parental Internet Control will protect our loved ones from internet filth like pornography and hate material just a click away. Fraternal Twin Parenting Concerns Identity and Your Fraternal TwinFor the most part, throughout this article I refer to a fraternal twin in the singular rather than the plural "twins." This is to emphasize the individuality of each twin. How To Foster An Environment For Successful Communications With Your Child As parents, we strive to address all of the questions asked by our children. If we don't have the answer, or don't like the question, we would never think of ignoring the child. The Science of Mother Love A growing body of scientific evidence shows that the way babies are cared for by their mothers will determine not only their emotional development, but the biological development of the child's brain and central nervous system as well. The nature of love, and how the capacity to love develops, has become the subject of scientific study over the last decade. Educational Toys - How Do Parents Choose The Best Toys For Their Child The choices are mind numbing. Walk into any toy store or the toy section of any department store and there are shelves and tiers of toys labeled 'educational toys'. Parents: You Can Do Something About Professional Sports Ethics Most of us can agree that there is a lack of ethics standards within professional sports today. The fact that many of today's sports heroes are ethical is a stroke of luck. Childrens Safety in Public Places - 10 Useful Tips My kids ask me all the time to take them to playgrounds or any other public place. I can't help to think that the risk involved in this is greater than we are often aware of. Bedtime and Sleep Habits Bedtime and children's sleep habits can cause nightmares - for parents, that is! Often at the end of a long day all you want is a little peace and time for yourself. After all, you have probably devoted the entire to the service of children in some form. 5 Ways To Tell If A Preschooler Is Living In Your House 1. You reheated the same cup of coffee three times this morning. Coping With Colic Quite simply, an absolute nightmare for parents and babies alike, colic is likely to be the first major test of your parenting skills. It is dreadful for all concerned but these tips should help you cope with this difficult time. The Top 10 Tips on Hiring a Babysitter 1. Encourage your babysitter by keeping their favorite foods/snacks on hand.
|
| home | site map |
| © 2006 |
